If only all sick people had it this good. One flip through either of the local newspapers in Telluride reveals an array of freebies offered to medical marijuana patients.

Free marijuana. Free pot-laced edibles. A free hit every time you walk in. The next stage in the race to develop successful medical cannabis dispensaries is locking down the all-important caregiver status — when a patient designates an individual to provide their medicine.

With that designation comes the right to grow up to six plants on the individual’s behalf, as well as possessing up to two ounces of finished marijuana per patient.

And with some dispensaries going through more than a pound of pot per day, the right to hold that precious produce can mean the difference between having a business and not.

“It’s like insurance,” said Don LaPorte, who has run an advertisement in The Daily Planet offering to pay for the doctor’s recommendations if patients will assign him as their caregiver. “I can’t have a company if I don’t have product.”

LaPorte said that, to weather the ups and downs of a supply chain that can take more than three months to go from sprouts to buds, he figures he needs to keep roughly six pounds on hand. That means he needs about 50 cards, at a cost of $200 to $300 each, depending on the doctor’s fee.

LaPorte’s is among the most generous of offers. Other dispensaries, though, are offering perks to patients who already have a doctor’s recommendation.

At Alpine Wellness, the newest of Telluride’s dispensaries, the shop will have a doctor on site two days this month, available to see patients for a bargain rate of $100. At Nature’s Medicine in Durango, patients must pay to see the doctor elsewhere, after which the clinic gives a $5 break on its $30-per-gram rate for premium pot to those who list the shop as caregiver.

Neil Elinoff, whose runs Legally Supplied Marijuana For Telluride (or LSMFT), is not only offering to pay for doctor’s consultations, but also to drive patients to Denver to see a physician.

He will also provide a free eighth-of-an-ounce of marijuana to each patient every month. Additionally, Elinoff said, his patients can simply come in and puff on a bit of vaporized marijuana to get their medication — free of charge.

“For some people, that’s just the right amount,” Elinoff said, noting that such an “eighth” of marijuana would cost about $50 on the street. “Instead of buying it in some seedy back ally, they can come and shop in a safe, discreet place and even put it on their credit card if they want to.”